what i was doing instead of work the other day :)
3.16.2010
11.10.2009
11.08.2009
patience
I used to think I was a pretty patient person. When I was a kid and would accompany my mom and/or grandma to go shopping I could sit for hours, just waiting, twiddling my thumbs, reading a book, letting my imagination run wild. No complaints or whining like your typical (not to boast or anything) 6-12 year old, high on a life of "new experiences and thoughts," excited by this most-important discovery of "not having to listen to your parents." Even now I'd say I'm a decently patient person. When I need to meet someone or be somewhere I know how to wait. As someone who naturally worries, it definitely can be hard -- there's different scenarios that could have happened, there's the frustration of not knowing what's happening on the other end, in other cases the anger at feeling duped or disrespected -- but even if it seems like maybe the person forgot or got caught up in something, or that maybe I got the dates wrong, etc etc etc, I can wait, cling onto that hope that yes, I just need to wait a few more minutes, and after a few more minutes go by, maybe just 10 more minutes. Anyways, you get what I'm trying to say.
The fact is, though I might know a little bit about patience on the surface level (on the small scale of minutes and sometimes even hours), I've still got so much to learn -- in my heart I'm an impatient person, quick to give up, easy to question, generally lacking in faith. Sometimes it is so hard. You know, really hard. I'm talking harder than taking an orgo exam without studying.. maybe even harder than my abs -- though that in itself is hard (to believe). There is so much uncertainty, so many questions:
When will Rice win its first football game?
Why can't I figure out this problem set?
When will I find true love or even just someone who likes me back? What people is God going to put in my life that i can count on, that I can share with, or even just be comfortable with? Who will he send to disciple me and shape me?
Where will I go to med school or grad school?
Why can't I love God more, have more faith in him, have more love for others? Why can't I change? When is it going to happen and how long is it going to take?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The list goes on, I'm sure for each and everyone one of us. But you know what, C'est la vie.
But I don't say that in a resigned-sigh-shoulders-shrugging-"Oh well" type of way but a my-hope-is-in-something-true-and-everlasting type of way. Of course life is tough. The answers you hope for might never come. Maybe your dream is to be a star athlete and one day you wake up and your legs don't function. Maybe your dream is to have the perfect family and one day a loved one passes away. Maybe your dream is to find love and one day your heart is broken. Whatever the case, inevitably, i think things are worked out for the good of God, and thus for the good of ourselves. James writes: "Be patient, then brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." (5:7)
From personal experience, I can attest to how God has been so faithful in my life and also to a good deal of the people around me. He's taken broken relationships and made them new, not because of anything I've done -- not from telling more jokes or being nicer or more forgiving or having a nicer body or hairstyle -- but because of his Grace. He's blessed me and molded me even when I've had little faith and felt like life has slowed to a halt. And I do confess i fall into that trap often. I also fall into the trap of "waiting" in the pulling up a chair- or better yet a futon or hammock -- and just sitting (or lying down) sense. I neglect my responsibilities, give up on my work, give up on my relationships.
But in my heart, I pray and I hope as Nehemiah did. To a God whose days are like a thousand years, to a God who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands...For me and for you, I pray that he gives us ears that are attentive and eyes that are open, hearts willing to be broken, a faith that stands strong, a love for one another...all for the sake of He who was, is, and is to come.
The fact is, though I might know a little bit about patience on the surface level (on the small scale of minutes and sometimes even hours), I've still got so much to learn -- in my heart I'm an impatient person, quick to give up, easy to question, generally lacking in faith. Sometimes it is so hard. You know, really hard. I'm talking harder than taking an orgo exam without studying.. maybe even harder than my abs -- though that in itself is hard (to believe). There is so much uncertainty, so many questions:
When will Rice win its first football game?
Why can't I figure out this problem set?
When will I find true love or even just someone who likes me back? What people is God going to put in my life that i can count on, that I can share with, or even just be comfortable with? Who will he send to disciple me and shape me?
Where will I go to med school or grad school?
Why can't I love God more, have more faith in him, have more love for others? Why can't I change? When is it going to happen and how long is it going to take?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The list goes on, I'm sure for each and everyone one of us. But you know what, C'est la vie.
But I don't say that in a resigned-sigh-shoulders-shrugging-"Oh well" type of way but a my-hope-is-in-something-true-and-everlasting type of way. Of course life is tough. The answers you hope for might never come. Maybe your dream is to be a star athlete and one day you wake up and your legs don't function. Maybe your dream is to have the perfect family and one day a loved one passes away. Maybe your dream is to find love and one day your heart is broken. Whatever the case, inevitably, i think things are worked out for the good of God, and thus for the good of ourselves. James writes: "Be patient, then brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." (5:7)
From personal experience, I can attest to how God has been so faithful in my life and also to a good deal of the people around me. He's taken broken relationships and made them new, not because of anything I've done -- not from telling more jokes or being nicer or more forgiving or having a nicer body or hairstyle -- but because of his Grace. He's blessed me and molded me even when I've had little faith and felt like life has slowed to a halt. And I do confess i fall into that trap often. I also fall into the trap of "waiting" in the pulling up a chair- or better yet a futon or hammock -- and just sitting (or lying down) sense. I neglect my responsibilities, give up on my work, give up on my relationships.
But in my heart, I pray and I hope as Nehemiah did. To a God whose days are like a thousand years, to a God who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands...For me and for you, I pray that he gives us ears that are attentive and eyes that are open, hearts willing to be broken, a faith that stands strong, a love for one another...all for the sake of He who was, is, and is to come.
10.30.2009
rereading special topics in calamity physics by marisha pessl again (didnt finish it the first time around). probably wont make as much sense or be as interesting without knowing what the book is about but i felt like sharing
some of my favorite lines/passages so far:
"dad's romances could last anywhere between a platypus egg incubation (19-21 days) and a squirrel pregnancy (24-45 days).
"I thus secretly concluded Hannah Schneider was a typo. Destiny had been sloppy. (Most likely because she was overworked. Kismet and Karma were too flighty to get anything done and Doom couldn't be trusted.) Quite by accident, she'd assigned an outstanding person of breathtaking beauty to a buried mountain town, where grandeur was like that slighted tree always falling in the woods and no one noticing. Somewhere else, in Paris, or Hong Kong probably, someone named Chase H. Niderhann with a face compelling as a baked potato and a voice like a throat clearing, happened to be living her life, a life of opera, of sun and lakes and weekend excursions to Kenya (pronounced "keen-YA"), of gowns that went "Shhhhh" across the floor.
"Officer Donnie Lee happened to have saturated himself in Paul Revere-like cologne (it rode far ahead of him, alerting all of his impending arrival)"
"I, of course, listened to every word she said and felt renewed sadness every time she looked at me without bothering to disguise her Utter Disappointment and Disillusion. Her Utter Disappointment and Disillusion didn't seem as severe when she looked at the others, and I was certain my observation wasn't an example of Dad's "Theory of Arrogance" -- that everyone always assumes their the Principal Character of Desire and/or Loathing in everybody else's Broadway play."
some of my favorite lines/passages so far:
"dad's romances could last anywhere between a platypus egg incubation (19-21 days) and a squirrel pregnancy (24-45 days).
"I thus secretly concluded Hannah Schneider was a typo. Destiny had been sloppy. (Most likely because she was overworked. Kismet and Karma were too flighty to get anything done and Doom couldn't be trusted.) Quite by accident, she'd assigned an outstanding person of breathtaking beauty to a buried mountain town, where grandeur was like that slighted tree always falling in the woods and no one noticing. Somewhere else, in Paris, or Hong Kong probably, someone named Chase H. Niderhann with a face compelling as a baked potato and a voice like a throat clearing, happened to be living her life, a life of opera, of sun and lakes and weekend excursions to Kenya (pronounced "keen-YA"), of gowns that went "Shhhhh" across the floor.
"Officer Donnie Lee happened to have saturated himself in Paul Revere-like cologne (it rode far ahead of him, alerting all of his impending arrival)"
"I, of course, listened to every word she said and felt renewed sadness every time she looked at me without bothering to disguise her Utter Disappointment and Disillusion. Her Utter Disappointment and Disillusion didn't seem as severe when she looked at the others, and I was certain my observation wasn't an example of Dad's "Theory of Arrogance" -- that everyone always assumes their the Principal Character of Desire and/or Loathing in everybody else's Broadway play."
10.14.2009
Are you living the good life?
Last week, having forgotten I had a looming Game Theory test when RSVPing, I attended the B Here Performance* at UH, a concert featuring an assortment of Asian American Youtube "Celebrities". My main reason for going was to see David Choi, a guy who guitar in hand could literally woo any girl's heart and gives us sensitive guys hope in this world. I was surprised to find, however, that he might not have even been my favorite act of the night. I'd never heard of Paul Dateh but he and his guitar buddy Ken Belcher really wowed me. A violin virtuoso with a silky smooth voice like Jason Mraz, Dateh provided a nice break from the pretty standard/uninspiring pop singer girls from the first half of the show**.
One song they played really stuck out to me though, in part cause it's really catchy and generally just the kind of chill song i like, but mostly cause the words made me feel sort of uneasy and go hmmmmmm.
I think most people would agree it's a happy song with a good message. Don't let fashion or money define who you are. Do what you want! Be who you want to be!
(chorus lyrics):
"cause all that matters is that you know what you want to accomplish in your life
cause i know you can be what you wanna be
you can do what you want
just keep your eyes on the prize and just hold on
cause confidence is really all you need to live your life in style
so just do what you gotta do"
I just remember sitting there thinking, "man, this is some good music," but then feeling a little saddened by the message. I have lots of respect for these two guys. They're funny/self-deprecating, incredibly talented, and they've got a groovy bounce to their step and a zest for life that is infective...But in the end what does that amount to? What is the "prize" he is telling us to hold onto? Becoming the person we want to be? Talent, music, experiences, your motivation and drive, all that is only going to take you so far. We can all live and lead Good Lives but when we pass away and the world forgets about us, what happens then?
Sometimes (I hate to admit it) but I feel constrained by Christianity. Why can't I live life the way I want to? Why do i have to live within these bounds of spirituality and righteousness, of how other Christians (and ultimately God) view me? Sometimes i wish i could just let go. do something crazy. do something regrettable. do something without caring what people think. Why can't I live life to the "fullest"/push the limits/live on the edge/at the very least live it the way I want to.
I guess at this point it really just depends on your point of view. As Christians (I'm coming to learn or at least hopefully learning or will someday learn) we are called to live life to the fullest. We just have a different definition of full. I don't think we are called to be in a tight/conservative/judging/entitled/ever-spiritual bubble. We are human and we live in this world for a reason. But how did we get here and why? Cause of God. Cause of his grace. and his mercy. and his love. his creation. In 1 John 4 it says how we are only able to love because God first loved us. So i think that's what it means to have a full life. To love because he first loved us. Of course this kind of "full life" comes with some sacrifice...in some sense we have to give up more of ourselves (and that's something I'm still working on), more of our "Good Life's". But I think through God our "Good lives" our made (beyond imagination) even better.
Some notes on the day(at this point im not sure why im still typing..so if you're still reading im def impressed. congrats!):
- Couple UH/Rice comparisons. For one, they know how to "dress" (i guess this depends on your standards of cool too though)...they've got their black-rimmed glasses, their shirts seem crisper and more crazy and colorful, more hair is gelled. there's generally just more of a "hip" feeling. and also girls wear more makeup... and less clothes. 2, While waiting for the show to begin: surrounded by said hip UH students chatting, me and Rick were studying Game Theory and Richard was working on Elec on his computer.
UH is nice:
- Wendy's.
- More people = more excitement
- continuation from above: The campus has a general buzz. It feels like a college.
- asians!
- Kevjumba's Dad was there!
- It was also interesting seeing how frenzied people were to meet the performers. People were even clamoring to get pictures with Kevin's dad(I'll admit i was one of those people). Johnny made a really good point to me a while back...we get so pumped and excited just to see/be close to celebrities. Yet, we're blessed with the opportunity to talk and pray to God whenever. Puts things into perspective doesn't it.
---------------------
*The main purpose of the B Here campaign is actually to spread awareness about Hepatitis B (aka the greatest health disparity between Asian and Caucasian Americans). For more info check out www.willyoubhere.com
**That said, David Choi is still my favorite <3 href="http://www.youtube.com/kevjumba#p/a">Kev Jumba (from Houston's very own Clements High School) and his Dad, Filipino Comedian Christine Gambito (HappySlip), 14 year old singing sensation/budding J-lo Jessica Sanchez (I'm pretty sure a lot of the guys in the audience were 1. disbelieving of and 2. dissappointed by her age), and another girl...forgot her name
One song they played really stuck out to me though, in part cause it's really catchy and generally just the kind of chill song i like, but mostly cause the words made me feel sort of uneasy and go hmmmmmm.
I think most people would agree it's a happy song with a good message. Don't let fashion or money define who you are. Do what you want! Be who you want to be!
(chorus lyrics):
"cause all that matters is that you know what you want to accomplish in your life
cause i know you can be what you wanna be
you can do what you want
just keep your eyes on the prize and just hold on
cause confidence is really all you need to live your life in style
so just do what you gotta do"
I just remember sitting there thinking, "man, this is some good music," but then feeling a little saddened by the message. I have lots of respect for these two guys. They're funny/self-deprecating, incredibly talented, and they've got a groovy bounce to their step and a zest for life that is infective...But in the end what does that amount to? What is the "prize" he is telling us to hold onto? Becoming the person we want to be? Talent, music, experiences, your motivation and drive, all that is only going to take you so far. We can all live and lead Good Lives but when we pass away and the world forgets about us, what happens then?
Sometimes (I hate to admit it) but I feel constrained by Christianity. Why can't I live life the way I want to? Why do i have to live within these bounds of spirituality and righteousness, of how other Christians (and ultimately God) view me? Sometimes i wish i could just let go. do something crazy. do something regrettable. do something without caring what people think. Why can't I live life to the "fullest"/push the limits/live on the edge/at the very least live it the way I want to.
I guess at this point it really just depends on your point of view. As Christians (I'm coming to learn or at least hopefully learning or will someday learn) we are called to live life to the fullest. We just have a different definition of full. I don't think we are called to be in a tight/conservative/judging/entitled/ever-spiritual bubble. We are human and we live in this world for a reason. But how did we get here and why? Cause of God. Cause of his grace. and his mercy. and his love. his creation. In 1 John 4 it says how we are only able to love because God first loved us. So i think that's what it means to have a full life. To love because he first loved us. Of course this kind of "full life" comes with some sacrifice...in some sense we have to give up more of ourselves (and that's something I'm still working on), more of our "Good Life's". But I think through God our "Good lives" our made (beyond imagination) even better.
Some notes on the day(at this point im not sure why im still typing..so if you're still reading im def impressed. congrats!):
- Couple UH/Rice comparisons. For one, they know how to "dress" (i guess this depends on your standards of cool too though)...they've got their black-rimmed glasses, their shirts seem crisper and more crazy and colorful, more hair is gelled. there's generally just more of a "hip" feeling. and also girls wear more makeup... and less clothes. 2, While waiting for the show to begin: surrounded by said hip UH students chatting, me and Rick were studying Game Theory and Richard was working on Elec on his computer.
UH is nice:
- Wendy's.
- More people = more excitement
- continuation from above: The campus has a general buzz. It feels like a college.
- asians!
- Kevjumba's Dad was there!
- It was also interesting seeing how frenzied people were to meet the performers. People were even clamoring to get pictures with Kevin's dad(I'll admit i was one of those people). Johnny made a really good point to me a while back...we get so pumped and excited just to see/be close to celebrities. Yet, we're blessed with the opportunity to talk and pray to God whenever. Puts things into perspective doesn't it.
---------------------
*The main purpose of the B Here campaign is actually to spread awareness about Hepatitis B (aka the greatest health disparity between Asian and Caucasian Americans). For more info check out www.willyoubhere.com
**That said, David Choi is still my favorite <3 href="http://www.youtube.com/kevjumba#p/a">Kev Jumba (from Houston's very own Clements High School) and his Dad, Filipino Comedian Christine Gambito (HappySlip), 14 year old singing sensation/budding J-lo Jessica Sanchez (I'm pretty sure a lot of the guys in the audience were 1. disbelieving of and 2. dissappointed by her age), and another girl...forgot her name
10.12.2009
Texas State Affare:
"Pre-Game":
- couple sausage patties
- donut holes
- banana
- cup of milk
"Main Event":
- foot-long chili cheese dog
- bite of german sausage
- fried peaches and cream
- funnel cake w/ strawberry and apple topping
- fried alligator
- dollar dog
- bite of fried oreo
- viva las vegas fried ice cream
- slice of pizza
"Encore":
- McDouble
- Spicy McChicken
'Twas a good day.
- couple sausage patties
- donut holes
- banana
- cup of milk
"Main Event":
- foot-long chili cheese dog
- bite of german sausage
- fried peaches and cream
- funnel cake w/ strawberry and apple topping
- fried alligator
- dollar dog
- bite of fried oreo
- viva las vegas fried ice cream
- slice of pizza
"Encore":
- McDouble
- Spicy McChicken
'Twas a good day.
10.05.2009
"i have no idea how i'm going to play this live, because it's definitely the most emotionally confrontational song for me....ya know, time is moving forward, all the time, and we know that, but..its kind of like running out of a continually burning hallway- and you can't go back and get your stuff. and all i wanna do is yell, 'i wanna go get my stuff!', but people are going, 'you can't! keep running!!'. and this fireball's coming up behind you, well it's not exactly as indiana jones as that, but it feels like that sometimes... so this is a song begging to go back and uhh, it's called 'stop this train"
- john mayer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-e1FHJkVoFE
- john mayer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-e1FHJkVoFE
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