11.10.2009
11.08.2009
patience
I used to think I was a pretty patient person. When I was a kid and would accompany my mom and/or grandma to go shopping I could sit for hours, just waiting, twiddling my thumbs, reading a book, letting my imagination run wild. No complaints or whining like your typical (not to boast or anything) 6-12 year old, high on a life of "new experiences and thoughts," excited by this most-important discovery of "not having to listen to your parents." Even now I'd say I'm a decently patient person. When I need to meet someone or be somewhere I know how to wait. As someone who naturally worries, it definitely can be hard -- there's different scenarios that could have happened, there's the frustration of not knowing what's happening on the other end, in other cases the anger at feeling duped or disrespected -- but even if it seems like maybe the person forgot or got caught up in something, or that maybe I got the dates wrong, etc etc etc, I can wait, cling onto that hope that yes, I just need to wait a few more minutes, and after a few more minutes go by, maybe just 10 more minutes. Anyways, you get what I'm trying to say.
The fact is, though I might know a little bit about patience on the surface level (on the small scale of minutes and sometimes even hours), I've still got so much to learn -- in my heart I'm an impatient person, quick to give up, easy to question, generally lacking in faith. Sometimes it is so hard. You know, really hard. I'm talking harder than taking an orgo exam without studying.. maybe even harder than my abs -- though that in itself is hard (to believe). There is so much uncertainty, so many questions:
When will Rice win its first football game?
Why can't I figure out this problem set?
When will I find true love or even just someone who likes me back? What people is God going to put in my life that i can count on, that I can share with, or even just be comfortable with? Who will he send to disciple me and shape me?
Where will I go to med school or grad school?
Why can't I love God more, have more faith in him, have more love for others? Why can't I change? When is it going to happen and how long is it going to take?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The list goes on, I'm sure for each and everyone one of us. But you know what, C'est la vie.
But I don't say that in a resigned-sigh-shoulders-shrugging-"Oh well" type of way but a my-hope-is-in-something-true-and-everlasting type of way. Of course life is tough. The answers you hope for might never come. Maybe your dream is to be a star athlete and one day you wake up and your legs don't function. Maybe your dream is to have the perfect family and one day a loved one passes away. Maybe your dream is to find love and one day your heart is broken. Whatever the case, inevitably, i think things are worked out for the good of God, and thus for the good of ourselves. James writes: "Be patient, then brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." (5:7)
From personal experience, I can attest to how God has been so faithful in my life and also to a good deal of the people around me. He's taken broken relationships and made them new, not because of anything I've done -- not from telling more jokes or being nicer or more forgiving or having a nicer body or hairstyle -- but because of his Grace. He's blessed me and molded me even when I've had little faith and felt like life has slowed to a halt. And I do confess i fall into that trap often. I also fall into the trap of "waiting" in the pulling up a chair- or better yet a futon or hammock -- and just sitting (or lying down) sense. I neglect my responsibilities, give up on my work, give up on my relationships.
But in my heart, I pray and I hope as Nehemiah did. To a God whose days are like a thousand years, to a God who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands...For me and for you, I pray that he gives us ears that are attentive and eyes that are open, hearts willing to be broken, a faith that stands strong, a love for one another...all for the sake of He who was, is, and is to come.
The fact is, though I might know a little bit about patience on the surface level (on the small scale of minutes and sometimes even hours), I've still got so much to learn -- in my heart I'm an impatient person, quick to give up, easy to question, generally lacking in faith. Sometimes it is so hard. You know, really hard. I'm talking harder than taking an orgo exam without studying.. maybe even harder than my abs -- though that in itself is hard (to believe). There is so much uncertainty, so many questions:
When will Rice win its first football game?
Why can't I figure out this problem set?
When will I find true love or even just someone who likes me back? What people is God going to put in my life that i can count on, that I can share with, or even just be comfortable with? Who will he send to disciple me and shape me?
Where will I go to med school or grad school?
Why can't I love God more, have more faith in him, have more love for others? Why can't I change? When is it going to happen and how long is it going to take?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The list goes on, I'm sure for each and everyone one of us. But you know what, C'est la vie.
But I don't say that in a resigned-sigh-shoulders-shrugging-"Oh well" type of way but a my-hope-is-in-something-true-and-everlasting type of way. Of course life is tough. The answers you hope for might never come. Maybe your dream is to be a star athlete and one day you wake up and your legs don't function. Maybe your dream is to have the perfect family and one day a loved one passes away. Maybe your dream is to find love and one day your heart is broken. Whatever the case, inevitably, i think things are worked out for the good of God, and thus for the good of ourselves. James writes: "Be patient, then brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." (5:7)
From personal experience, I can attest to how God has been so faithful in my life and also to a good deal of the people around me. He's taken broken relationships and made them new, not because of anything I've done -- not from telling more jokes or being nicer or more forgiving or having a nicer body or hairstyle -- but because of his Grace. He's blessed me and molded me even when I've had little faith and felt like life has slowed to a halt. And I do confess i fall into that trap often. I also fall into the trap of "waiting" in the pulling up a chair- or better yet a futon or hammock -- and just sitting (or lying down) sense. I neglect my responsibilities, give up on my work, give up on my relationships.
But in my heart, I pray and I hope as Nehemiah did. To a God whose days are like a thousand years, to a God who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands...For me and for you, I pray that he gives us ears that are attentive and eyes that are open, hearts willing to be broken, a faith that stands strong, a love for one another...all for the sake of He who was, is, and is to come.
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